So, you’ve decided to become a surrogate. While there may be some nerves at first, it quickly gets replaced by excitement when you think about the lives you’re going to change, right?
Still, many moms ask themselves how they should they tell their children. From the start, kids need to know that the baby growing in their mother’s belly will not be their brother or sister.
A Surrogate Gives Her Advice
Amanda, a seasoned two-time surrogate, explains how she dealt with this situation with her two young daughters.
“We’re a family unit and a team. So, the more my children were involved, the more they were able to comprehend what was going on. We weren’t giving a baby away because it wasn’t ours, to begin with,” Amanda said.
During the first surrogacy in 2014, Amanda’s daughters were three and five years of age. Two years later, she had a second journey to help another international couple.
Amanda and her husband shared the news with their girls together as a family. The explanation was a simple one and did not get deep into the meaning of infertility.
“We told them that mommies and daddies both have eggs. And one day, when they’ve finished all of their schoolings, and have a really good job, they can marry their best friend. This love can become so strong that the two eggs, when combined, can make a baby,” they began.
The girls heard that their mom was there to help a couple who could not keep the eggs. These eggs would break. A doctor could take the two eggs and create an embryo. And their mother would care for that embryo.
“My husband and I shared how the embryo would go into my healthy baby-making body. I would be able to give the baby back to the parents when it was ready for them,” she said. “My daughters thought it was incredible. They were so sad to hear about the struggles that other mommies and daddies had to deal with.”
Amanda did her surrogacy with Extraordinary Conceptions. The company is a surrogacy and egg donor agency in Southern California. Even though the agency had an in-house therapist who could help guide Amanda and her husband on what to say, she decided they’d do it on their own.
“My husband and I have pretty good communication with our children and just thought of this ourselves. We’re both hands-on type of people. We figured the more the girls were involved, the more they’d understand,” she said.
Amanda said that the most important point she wanted her girls to know was that they were all helping this family have a baby. It couldn’t happen without their help.
“I told the kids how we could help by using mommy’s body. We’d go to appointments together and make sure this lil’ guy stays comfy and safe, as well as loved,” she said.
This was the first conversation of much more to come. Future talks reinforced the surrogacy easily and understandably for the kids. Amanda made sure their support system was secure. Her girls always understood that the baby was not their sibling.
During that first conversation, Amanda pointed out her stretch marks.
“I told my daughters how lucky I was that they were such great babies who gave me these beauty marks from when they were in my belly. By having them, my body is perfect and ready to have enough room to help other mommies and daddies become parents,” she said.
Amanda said her daughters were in absolute awe. As a family, they could help another family in need.