common questions people ask pregnant surrogates

When people discover that a woman is a surrogate for someone else, they ask a variety of questions about her experience. Here are some of the most common questions people ask pregnant women when they find out the baby they are carrying is not their own.

pregnant surrogate sitting with her familyWhat do your kids think?

It’s very common for people to ask how a woman’s children feel about their mother’s surrogate pregnancy. Surrogacy is an experience and learning opportunity for the whole family. No matter the age, kids learn that they too can be involved in helping an individual or couple who cannot have a baby without the help of their mother.

Former surrogates have shared that their older children tend to become more helpful by doing extra chores around the house, helping out with their siblings and sharing in the overall excitement leading up to delivery day.

Younger children may have trouble comprehending that the baby growing in mommy’s tummy is not going to become their little brother or sister. Some surrogates have said that they often had to reinforce this notion with their little ones. There have even been a few books written for children to help explain the concept of surrogacy, such as “The Kangaroo Pouch,” written by Sarah A. Phillips. Thankfully, this was not an issue for the older children. Surrogacy can help teach kids of all ages about love, family and what it really means to be compassionate.

sleeping newborn baby with mother's handHow can you just give the baby away?!

Unfortunately, this question is probably the most common one asked and the most hated by surrogates or anyone who understands what gestational surrogacy is. The answer is very simple though; the baby she is carrying is not hers in any way. The child has no genetic connection to the woman who is so graciously carrying and nurturing it. Women who choose to become surrogates are keenly aware that the child is not their own and do so knowing that her pregnancy will produce a child for an otherwise childless person or couple.

In addition to the medical screenings required during the surrogacy process, candidates must undergo a psychological evaluation to further ensure that they are emotionally and mentally healthy and prepared for this endeavor. The women who pass these rigorous screenings know right from the start that the baby they are carrying belongs to the intended parents. The gestational carrier is not the parent so there was never a baby to give away in the first place.

pregnant surrogate talking to baby's parentsDo the future parents tell you what to do?

Surrogacy contracts are drawn up before the surrogate is ever pregnant. These agreements specify the detailed plan for the pregnancy, delivery and in some cases, any possible relationship after the delivery.

Some future parents want their surrogate to eat only organic foods, not do heavy-duty housecleaning, or may have travel restrictions. In return, the intending parents will arrange extra money to cover the costs of specialty foods or weekly housecleaning services.

These surrogacy agreements ensure that both the parents and a gestational surrogate knows what is expected of them, so that once the contract is completed, there are no surprises.

Surrogates need to understand their intending parents have waited years for this baby and have an emotional and financial investment in her successful pregnancy and delivery. Likewise, future parents have to understand that the surrogate is helping them; she is not an employee and should not be expected to make crazy or unrealistic sacrifices to make them happy. It must be a mutually beneficial relationship for the at least the terms set forth in the agreement.

Keep in mind that a good agency will do their best to help parents who have very specific lifestyles, such as vegans to surrogates who are themselves vegan.

Would you do it (be a surrogate) again?

Most times women make this decision after the baby is born. A lot of women decide to have a repeat journey after they see their future parents hold their newborn for the very first time. It’s a visual memory they will never forget.

However, being a repeat surrogate is still a very personal decision. For some, a single surrogacy journey is perfect. For others, they are still in good health and want to give the gift of life a second or in some cases, third time.

To learn more about becoming a surrogate with Extraordinary Conceptions, click HERE to submit your initial application today.