The surrogate and intended parent relationship is complex. Even though a surrogate is being supported financially by her intended parents, the relationship demands much more. Pregnancy is difficult! And surrogate moms need support, not only from their family and friends, but also from the parents they are carrying the pregnancy for. Here are 8 ways that future parents can support their surrogate.
Respect your agreement:
Respecting your agreement, legal or otherwise is important! Though it seems really simple or just common sense, your surrogate needs to know that she can depend on you to keep your word. If your agreement states that you’ll call once a week, or attend all of her doctor’s appointments, do it! Of course, life happens and there may be times that you have to miss an appointment, but that should be the exception, not the rule.
Trust your surrogate:
It can be really tough to trust someone, a relative stranger, to carry and care for the most important thing in the world. But it is really important to trust that your agency has screened her appropriately, and that your surrogate is taking care of your baby. Gestational surrogates don’t do this for the money; they agree to carry a baby for someone else because they love being pregnant and genuinely want to help. They truly have your – and your baby’s – best interest at heart. Showing that you trust her may mean not questioning her food choices or second-guessing whether she should continue to work.
Check in with her regularly:
You and she were matched for a reason; you likely had connected in a way during your initial meeting that made you feel comfortable working with her and her feel comfortable being pregnant for you. Simply giving her your time to chat and get to know you is so rewarding! She‘ll want to hear about your baby shower and crib shopping mishap last week. It’s exciting to get ready for a new baby, and it’s nice for her to feel involved.
Ask what she needs:
Don’t hesitate to ask her! Maybe she’d love a date night with her husband, help with childcare, a pregnancy-friendly spa day or pre-natal yoga classes to de-stress, or maybe she’d want a housekeeper to come in once a month to clean bathrooms. Sometimes, even sending gift cards for restaurants are a great way to make her life a bit easier. Asking her means that you’ll give her exactly what she needs, which may be the best way to support her! If you don’t want to ask her directly, or if you want to surprise her, try asking her spouse or case coordinator for some ideas
Consider a thank you gift:
Don’t forget about her once the baby is here! It’s an adjustment for her going from being pregnant to not, and without a baby to snuggle at home. Make arrangements for her to come visit you and the baby, call her after she gets home from the hospital, or send a thank you gift or note afterwards. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive, just something that shows you were thinking of her and appreciate her.
For more information about becoming a surrogate mom or intended parent, get in touch with us today!